I Remember Mama

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER (which is the first commandment with a promise) Eph 6:1–2 (NASB95)

When our daughter, Kathy, was participating in a parenting class at her church, she explained to her 6-year-old daughter, Kayla, that she was taking a course to help make her a better mommy. The next Sunday, after church, Kayla became upset and had a tantrum because she was not getting her way. Both parents tried to calm her. But with tears streaming down her face and in a loud voice, Kayla announced to her mother, "You told me you were taking a course to make you a better mommy. Well, it's not working!" – Shirley Ratcliff, "Kids of the Kingdom," Christian Reader (July/August 2003)

I had a great mother! One of the stark realizations of growing up is finding out that’s not true for everybody. I grew up in a neighborhood of good mothers. There were three houses in a row on our street with kids my age. All the mom participated in parenting all of us. It was a great place to be a kid. But for some reason, even though we had the worst yard to play in (smaller, dirt instead of grass, big oak tree with huge roots, etc.) we probably spent more time in our house/yard than the others.

It could have been because my mother was a good cook. But I really think there was more to it. My mother loved people. Oh, she could get aggravated and yell with the best of them. And don’t think it was because she let us get away with things. Nope. I think it was because she was a good mom.

Not only do I remember plenty of people sharing our table, but there was almost always somebody at our house visiting just to drink coffee and talk. That meant there was plenty of laughing and good times. She knew how to make you feel good, feel loved, feel appreciated, feel wanted. The world needs more that!

Don’t misunderstand. My mother was not always the best example. Get her riled and she might let a word slip that the rest of us would get whacked for saying. Her life was not without difficulty and mistakes. My mom and dad divorced when I was twelve. For years she didn’t go to church. She sent me with my aunt who lived down the street, but she didn’t go. She went back when I was a teenager. But I don’t think she ever left her faith. And don’t let anybody mess with her kids. She could be a lion.

Mothers Day is great for a lot of people. Like me, they had great moms. But that’s not true for everyone. Sometimes, moms just fail. It’s sad when that happens because it can affect a person’s whole life. If you know somebody like that, don’t press the issue. Just give them a special hug and let them know that today, right now, you love and appreciate them. If you had a great mom, be thankful. Tell her, if she’s still around. A few words of love and thanks go a very long way.

How To Open People's Ears To The Gospel

30 The Pharisees and their scribes began grumbling at His disciples, saying, “Why do you eat and drink with the tax collectors and sinners?” 31 And Jesus answered and said to them, “It is not those who are well who need a physician, but those who are sick. 32 “I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance.” – Luke 5:30–32 (NASB95)

I could not figure Brenda out. She was wealthy and intelligent. She had an exciting social life married to a leading Australian businessman. What was she thinking inviting us for a meal and discussion? At no point was this teacher pushy or preachy. Her style was completely relaxed and incredibly generous. When her VCR went missing one day, she made almost nothing of it, even though she suspected (quite reasonably) it was [someone from] our group. For me, her open, flexible, generous attitude toward us "sinners" was the doorway into a life of faith. As we ate and drank and talked, it was clear this was no missionary ploy on her part. She truly cared for us and treated us like friends or, perhaps more accurately, like sons. As a result, over the course of the next year, she introduced several of us from the class to the ultimate "friend of sinners," Jesus. – John Dickson, The Best Kept Secret of Christian Mission (Zondervan, 2010 ), pp. 51-52

If you take a look at how Jesus went about teaching the gospel, he did it by means of friendship, love, and simply being kind to people. I know. We tend to focus on his famous confrontations with Pharisees, and he did have them. But it was mainly because they weren’t interested, and worse, they were enemies out to kill him. He was hardest on those who claimed to be friends of God. They weren’t.

But look closely at the four gospels. Over and over, Jesus dines with sinners, visits with them in conversations, tells stories to illustrate truth, and dispenses grace and mercy everywhere he went. The reason children liked to be around him is that he was easy to be with. It’s the same reason sinners and tax collectors liked to be with him.

The big question is why don’t we learn from Jesus. We keep thinking evangelism depends on some method or formula. We keep holding workshops to teach the latest “secret” techniques. We need to just be more like Jesus. Be a friend to sinners. Be kind to people, love them, act graciously and mercifully. That opens ears like nothing else.

Let's Ban All Religions

According to the singer-songwriter [Elton John], 59, his solution would be to "ban religion completely, even though there are some wonderful things about it". 

He added: "I love the idea of the teachings of Jesus Christ and the beautiful stories about it, which I loved in Sunday school and I collected all the little stickers and put them in my book. 

"But the reality is that organised religion doesn't seem to work. It turns people into hateful lemmings and it's not really compassionate." -- Sir Elton: Ban organised religion, http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/6140710.stm

My first reaction when reading comments like these is to argue. "You're wrong! You don't understand! You're not being fair!" And I might be right. But who cares? One must still deal with the point being made, and that is religion "turns people into hateful lemmings and it's not really compassionate." Ouch!

Christians haven't always been good at taking criticism. We get all huffy about it, and often resort to proving how we're right and everybody else is wrong. Of course, from the other guy's point of view that just proves the point! Hateful lemmings that we are, void of any compassion for others, we feel justified in spouting condemnation and consigning all the critics to hell.

I wonder if it might benefit us to dare to listen for a moment. Is it possible that people like Elton John are offering a legitimate criticism? After all, it's well-known that religions love to war against one another. Even within a religion (let's use Christianity for example), we love to divide up, choose sides, and take pot-shots at one another. Not friendly pot-shots either. We shoot to kill - if not physically then spiritually (and we've been known to literally kill a few folks). If we were honest, we might willingly admit that the criticism, though distasteful, undesirable, aggravating, and sad, is true.

Of course we have disagreements. We see things differently from one another. What's important to one person isn't so significant to another. We have differing values. Our politics are different. Our social customs and traditions vary. We've got different, and sometimes conflicting histories. We're white, no we're black, no we're brown, no we're red! You know it makes a difference which you are! Even if we're Christians, all these other things matter because they still divide us. Our religion, instead of helping us minimize these differences, overcome our problems, and love our neighbors who are different from ourselves, ends up giving us new ammunition. We now have theological ammo with which to shoot our own, alongn with those who are not our own.

I wonder if we know what we look like and sound like to those who are not us. The Bible tells us that Jesus was a compassionate man. We're supposed to be his followers, and as followers we're supposed to be like him. Yet Elton John specifically observes that we (along with people of other religions) are not compassionate. Sure, he has his own social, philosophical, even religious point to make, but he's saying something about us that we need to hear. We're not compassionate. Nope. No sir! We've no heart in our chests. We're just cold, ruthless, hateful lemmings.

Is it possible that such observations are right? "Possible," I'm asking. If they are, then we should do something about them. Surely we don't want to be so unlike the Jesus we claim to follow. Every day, in countless situations, we demonstrate whether we're compassionate people or just hateful lemmings. Whether that criticism hurts or not isn't the point. What counts is whether it's true or not. All our claims to be "Christians" won't change the truth about us.

Recently, due to a major event that has gripped our nation, and has resulted in very strong opinions, many expressed in vile, angry, and contentious language, I asked a question. "I'm wondering if anybody thinks they've been more or less like Jesus the last few days?" If you can only see Jesus on your "side" of things, then I suspect you're less like him than you think. If your words burn and tear their way through others, even the ones you think are wrong, you should be very careful. If your words sound angry, hostile, and hurtful then you are probably giving folks like Elton John all the proof they need to just ban all religions, including yours. We Christians are going to have to sound and look different than we do.

You can justify all this "hateful lemmings" stuff if you want. Many will. I'd just say that one of the most difficult teachings of Jesus (if not THE MOST difficult) is that we should love one another as he has loved us. You want to convince Elton John that you're a follower of Jesus and that the Christian faith should never be banned? Love people. Jesus said that the world (folks like Elton John) would know we're his disciples if we have love for one another. People who really love one another don't get accused of being "hateful lemmings" void of "compassion."

Church Assassins

Roy Williams is an advertising genius. I first met Roy by reading his book, Wizard of Ads. There’s no way for me to describe it, so just go buy it. When you read it, don’t hurry through. Savor his words, think, and gain some wisdom. I’ve been reading Roy’s weekly article called, “MondayMorning Memo,”  for longer than I can remember. He usually addresses business, advertising, or some combination of the two, but quite often, his words have application beyond his intended subject. I don’t know if he’s aware of it or not, but his articles often have direct and significant application to church and spiritual matters. I suspect Roy knows this, because it’s not completely uncommon for him to quote scripture, or at least make reference to some Bible verse. I don’t have a clue what his religious or faith background is, but Roy Williams is one of those people worth reading because he will make you think, and then he will take what you’ve been comfortable in and mess it all up for you. Usually, it’s for the better.

This week’s article, read just this morning, is a winner among winners. I say that because it’s one of those articles with amazing application to Christians.  I’ll try to explain in this post.

A little background first. Many years ago, way back in the 90s, I used to be quite active in what was known as “email lists.” You joined a list, got a list email address to which you sent email messages, and your message was then sent out to everybody else on the list. They could ignore you or respond with comments, questions, arguments, etc. In the beginning, it was quite good. Thoughtful, intelligent people with great ability to write quickly and informatively shared information and dug into topics that challenged and expanded everybody’s knowledge base. I seriously loved the early days of email lists.

Then something happened. The Internet began to catch on. When that happened, email lists got some publicity and lots of new people began to join. That was OK for a while, but slowly, things began to change. Another cyber phenomenon occurred, a little thing called a “flame war!” Basically, that was when somebody took it upon themselves to trash a fellow list member. Condescending, accusatory, inflammable language replaced reasonable discourse, and discussions were often impossible. Mailing lists began to be no fun.

Somewhere in the 90s, I even moderated of one of the most popular mailing lists among “Restoration Movement” people. I came to hate it. Instead of spending my time encouraging people to join and participate, I spent my time refereeing the list, trying to maintain civility, and threatening to put people in “time out!” It’s possible there were even a few people who were banned from the list because they were completely unreasonable.

So, enter Roy Williams and today’s “Monday Morning Memo.” Understand, Roy is writing about social trends and his target is business and how those trends affect the business world. But his words hit home because he describes something that has been going on among Christians, at least as far back as email lists, and now afflicts social media such as Facebook, Twitter, and other modern Internet inventions.

I belong to a “group” on Facebook that is made up of a lot of preachers. It’s not all preachers, you understand, but a sizeable number of the group members are in church ministry of one kind or another. On occasions, I’ve found myself in trouble with the moderator. I’m sure he’s got his explanation of why I was in trouble, and I’ve definitely got mine. You see, in my view, there are some people who get to say unnecessary things, using inflammable language, to demean and cut down others, accuse them of vile intentions and actions, and to stifle any dissenting opinion or comment. I’d bet that’s not what the moderator would say, but I’m willing to let him have his opinion. The trouble happens when I bring up the problem. If I point out what’s happening, and plead for peace and reasonable discussion, I’m the one that gets in trouble, not the people attacking with their words. Understand, this post is not a complaint about getting into trouble on a Facebook group. I’m a big boy and I can deal with these things just fine, thanks.

But I bring that up as a real-life, current illustration of the problem Roy Williams is addressing. One of the reasons it’s such a problem is that I don’t think people realize what they’re doing. I think it’s become fashionable to bash and trash people with whom one disagrees. Civility and respect are infrequent qualities to modern day discussions. We see this daily in politicians and public figures. To make matters worse, whenever anyone points out the problem, that person often gets the “penalty flag” thrown at them.

Here’s a graphic that Roy Williams used in today’s article that illustrates what he says is the “pendulum of society,” and it’s swinging toward the bad side.

In fact, if he’s right, we’re in for another ten years of this hostile atmosphere before it begins to swing the other way. I guess we might as well settle in and get ready. It’s likely not to be pretty. He says we're headed toward the "Witch Hunt!"

The question is: “Does it have to be this way?” The answer is both “yes,” and “no.” It’s “yes” in the sense that we can’t do much about societal shifts and swings. The world has a way of moving on its own and there doesn’t seem to be a way to stop it.

But if you ask if this is how Christians should behave, then the answer is, “No!” Christians are supposed to operate on the “love” principle. 1 Corinthians 13 is a great chapter to read if a person would like to discover principles for relating to others. Matthew 7:12 is still called the “golden rule” because it’s the operating principle that would immediately bring civility and reasonable treatment into any conversation, because it calls on us to treat other people in the way we, ourselves, would like to be treated. You might find a masochist that enjoys being bashed and trashed, but most normal people don’t really enjoy it.

Galatians 5:14–16(NASB95) says,

14 For the whole Law is fulfilled in one word, in the statement, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” 15 But if you bite and devour one another, take care that you are not consumed by one another. 16 But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh.

 Catch Paul’s language, please. “. . . if you bite and devour one another, take care that you are not consumed by one another.” I once saw a cartoon of a dog that chased his tail, caught it and ate himself up! The cartoon was funny, but it’s not so funny when it’s people eating others alive.

Christians must set the bar higher. And if you think I’m complaining and leaving myself out, as if I’m some kind of innocent bystander, you’d be wrong. I am a Christian, and I’m also just as prone to get caught up in this hostility as anybody else. So when I say, “Christians,” I’m talking about all of us, including myself. We must not only set the bar higher, we must be the ones who actually reach for it. If there is one group of people in the world who demonstrates love, respect, and honor for others, it must be us. It must be us because Jesus expects it from his disciples, and we are his disciples.

Kindness, gentleness, grace, and mercy are all words that must describe us. Even when taking on issues and even people with whom we vociferously disagree, we must resist the temptation to follow the pendulum of society. If it ever moves back the other way, may it find us waiting right where we ought to be.

Peace On Earth And Goodwill Toward Knuckleheads

Just today, I read an interesting and well-meaning article titled, "5 Ways to Keep Peace During Family Gatherings." It's well-meaning because it comes at a time when families are gathering for the Christmas holidays.  It's interesing because it actually contains some helpful information.  Few of us realize the stress of family gatherings during holidays.  The shopping, cleaning house, preparing for company, cooking, decorating, and everything else that goes into the lead up to Christmas can wear on a person.  A lot of people fret terribly over whether they bought the right present, have the house in order, where everybody is going to sleep, and. . . oh, yes, what are we going to do with the inevitable knucklehead that spoils the peace and joy of it all?

I'll list the author's five points so you will know how she provides help, but I would encourage you to read it for yourself.  Here we go:

• Check the emotional baggage
• Find a neutral zone
• Set boundaries, but stay flexible
• Fun is the ultimate buffer
• Recognize the family culture and build on it

In article, author Sandra Rodriguez Barron observes, "In truth, tensions among family members are often exacerbated by ongoing disputes, rivalry, conflicting expectations for the holiday, disputes over lifestyle, new marriages, divorce or just plain bad manners."  She's on target.  These stressor, and more, can turn a joyous family gathering into a war zone.

As much as I think the article is helpful, I'm going to offer you a "one step" solution.  It's not as visually appealing as Barron's list of five.  It's hard to make bullet points out of a single suggestion.  But here goes:  Don't cause trouble.  That's it.  I know, not so very astounding is it?  I would suggest, though, that it's amazingly effective.

Here's the Bible verse on which I'm basing my one step peace insurance policy: Romans 12:18 (NAS) — If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.

The Apostle Paul doesn't always give us leaway as he seems to do here.  This statement begins, "If possible."  Perhaps he's just being kind.  Of course it's possible!  Otherwise, why even say it.  The problem is that we often think it's not possible because all the turmoil is created by others.  Maybe so.  I've certainly known people, even some family members, who seemed to delight in twisting knots in everyone else's tail.  I think Paul was not giving us an out, he was hoping we'd at least think about what he said.

What did he actually say?  ". . . as far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men."  Thus my, "Don't cause trouble."  My suggestion is merely the negative of Paul's more positive statement.  Wouldn't it be wonderful if every family gathering this Christmas was attended by people who were all, to a person, determined not to cause trouble for anybody?"  That elusive peace and joy finally might settle on families whose holiday season often turns sour and hostile.

So, there you are.  As you head off to Grandma's, or going to see the spouse's kin, or experiencing one of those multi-blended gatherings that is hard to define, go and don't cause trouble.  Instead, practice all the social arts and graces.  Be kind and considerate.  Speak gently and with compassion.  Try to understand.  Be tolerant.  Smile.  Be agreeable.  Be likeable.  I know, I know.  I said I had just one suggestion.  I do.  But isn't it true that to accomplish the one thing I suggested, "Don't cause trouble," you're going to have to make postive efforts (plural is correct).

Stop right there.  Eliminate those negative thoughts and give it a try this year.  Who knows, if it works, you just might have a good time instead of a bad one.  Wouldn't that be nice?

Start A Trend

Brethren, pray for us. – 1 Thessalonians 5:25, NASB95

In Darkness Is My Only Companion: A Christian Response to Mental Illness, Kathryn Greene-McCreight describes her tortured journey through ten years of extreme depression and bipolar disorder. Concerning the importance of Christian fellowship while in recovery, she writes:

This is why it is so important to worship in community—to ask your brothers and sisters in Christ to pray for you … Sometimes you literally cannot make it on your own, and you need to borrow from the faith of those around you. . . . Companionship in the Lord Jesus is powerful. – Kathyrn Greene-McCreight, Darkness Is My Only Companion: A Christian Response to Mental Illness (Brazos Press, 2006), p. 88

Kathryn Greene-McCreight said a mouthful. Sometimes you really can’t make it on your own. Sometimes you just need someone to lean on, to help you bear the load of garbage you’ve been carrying, to just listen to your pain, to cry with you, and even get mad with you. It’s not always important that the other person or persons have all the answers. At times, we might not be ready for answers, so they would fall on deaf ears anyway. Sometimes we just need the company of another human being, willing to be there for us.

I believe this is one of the powerful things about the church that often goes unnoticed until you need it. “Why do I have to go to church all the time? What’s the harm if I just show up when I want to?” That seems to be the question on the minds of many. The answer is to see that such questions betray a serious misunderstanding about church. It’s really a self-centered and selfish attitude. There is a much better reason to be an active, thriving, involved, attending member of a local church. It’s so you can help others.

I’ve said for years that if everybody takes the view that they’re only going to get involved or attend church when they need to go, or when they want to get something out of it, then it’s impossible for anybody to benefit. Only when each member understands that the primary reason for church attendance and involvement is to provide something for another person will any of us ever find what we need.

It’s the self-less, others-centered, approach that sets the stage for any or all of us to benefit when we need it the most. When you’re doing fine, go to church and let your faith and strength be a crutch for somebody who is crumpling under the burdens of life. One day, you may be in their shoes and when you need the help, that very same person just might provide what you need.

Wouldn’t church be great if everybody there took a personal responsibility to make you feel loved, worthwhile, and blessed? Wouldn’t church be great if every time you went, the whole bunch took pains to find out how you’re doing and showed a sincere interest in you as a person? You want that to happen? Great, then the next time you go to church, you do that for everybody you see. If you keep waiting for the others to start, then you’re never going to have such a church experience. Praying is a good start. Go hug some necks and find out what’s going on. Love and appreciate people. You might start a trend. Wouldn’t that be great?

This is a CrossTies Devotional article
(C) Copyright 2008, Dr. Bill Denton

Thoughts On Unity

Just about the time I think I've got the time to write for this blog, I prove that I don't. No more claims about being back on the blogging scene. I'll write when I have time.

I've been thinking some about unity. After all, those of us whose religious heritage rises from the American Restoration Movement have been immersed in thoughts, talk, and behaviors relating to unity. We are (were) a unity movement. At least we were a unity movement in the beginning. Somewhere along the way, unity began to slip away from us. Doctrine came to be more important. Differences and distinctions in doctrine began to identify how dislike we were from others. We narrowed our doctrinal focus. Our movement woke up one day and we were standing over here, with everybody else scattered over there, and the only way to solve anything was if all those other folks moved toward us. OK, I have greatly over-simplified some really complex issues, but you get the idea.

As many others have noted, the American Restoration Movement has produced numerous divisions, and every one of them over some point of doctrine. It appears to me that the effort to unify on the basis of common doctrine has limited possibility. It's not that doctrine is unimportant. It's that unity based on doctrine demands more than human beings seem to be able to manage. Unless, of course, everyone is willing to see everything my way, for that would solve all the problems.

I was reading from the book of Ephesians, chapter four and first few verses. Here's what it says:
1 Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called,2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love,3 being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. Eph 4:1-3 (NASB)

Here's what struck me. It is definitely a passage calling us to unity, but it is not a passage that sounds like a call to rally around the doctrine flag. Instead, it's a passage that calls for a response of the heart: humility, gentleness, patience, tolerance, and love. You could call each of those doctrine, for they are surely taught in scripture, but they aren't the issues that normally carry the doctrine flag. These are heart issues, attitudes, the building blocks of emotional bonds. Here are the tools of unity.

If we would step back for a moment and think about the people with whom we feel the closest, most secure unity, I think we would immediately recognize those building blocks. I am unified with people with whom I share a mutual humility. Let one of us become haughty and overbearing and unity begins to fade. I am most unified with people with whom I am gentle and who are gentle with me. Let one of us become harsh and mean-spirited and unity begins to ebb. I am most unified with people with whom I am patient, and who are patient with me. Let one of us disallow the other our shortcomings and misunderstandings, or our lack of insight or effort, and unity dims. I am most unified with people with whom I am tolerant, and who tolerate me. Let one of us become irritated beyond reason and unity weakens. I am most unified with people I love and who love me. Love enables us to put up with a lot, and unity requires that ability. Lose love and unity is a dead hope.

Perhaps we've got it backwards. The approach of the past has been to demand doctrinal uniformity before unity could exist. Maybe we need to unify on the basis of humility, gentleness, patience, tolerance and love, and then it would be easier for us to resolve our doctrinal differences. I know this: I can have more worthwhile and productive discussions about doctrine with people with whom I enjoy a mutual spirit of humility, gentleness, patience, tolerance and love. Get rid of any one of those elements, and you've upped the difficulty of even talking about doctrinal differences. Get rid of two or more, and unity is impossible and so is doctrinal agreement.

As the Psalmist would say, "Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brothers to dwell together in unity!" (Ps 133:1).