A Little Negativity Goes A Long Way

13 For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.14 For the whole Law is fulfilled in one word, in the statement, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”15 But if you bite and devour one another, take care that you are not consumed by one another. -- Galatians 5:13–15 (NASB95)

Shortly before Dallas Willard died from cancer in 2013, Pastor John Ortberg asked him, "Do you regret anything?" Willard answered, "I regret the time I have wasted." -- Adapted from John Ortberg, Soul Keeping (Zondervan, 2014), pp. 186-817

There's a fascinating article written by James Clear titled, "Haters and Critics: How to Deal with People Judging You and Your Work" (you can read it by clicking HERE).  I say it's fascinating because the writer has managed to find a way to look at criticism positively. I don't mean he likes it, but he's managed to turn it into something other than a life-crusher. Read his article. It's very good.

I think it's fascinating also because it addresses something all too common in today's communication between people. There is a harshness alive today that wasn't always present. Well, maybe it was present, but it didn't seem to be quite as bad as it has become.

It's behind the bullying you've heard about rampant among school-age children. It abounds in Internet communications of all kinds. If you're a blog reader have you read the comments that follow many articles? There will be, perhaps, a good number of positive comments reflecting agreement or something a reader has appreciated or found helpful. Then there are the bashers! It will range from disagreement to character assassination, and it's done in increasingly harsh tones. A lot of bloggers are now turning off the comments section because it's not worth the hassle.

But this is nothing new. Hate, spite, bitterness, slander, even outright lying about people has been around just about as long as people have existed. A theologian might say that it's part of our fallen nature. I'm sure! There is a negative, hurtful, destructive bug in us somewhere, and none of us are completely innocent. Give me the right situation and I can rant with the best.

One of my favorite sections of James Clear's article uses a quote from Mario Andretti, famous race car driver. Here's what he wrote:

Many racing experts consider Mario Andretti to be the most successful and versatile racing driver of all-time. During his career, Andretti won the Indianapolis 500, Daytona 500, Formula One World Championship and the Pike’s Peak International Hill Climb. He is one of only two drivers in history to win races in Formula One, IndyCar, World Sportscar Championship, and NASCAR.
During an interview with SUCCESS magazine, Andretti was asked for his number one tip for success in race car driving. He said, “Don’t look at the wall. Your car goes where your eyes go.”
When young drivers are starting to race, this is one of the most critical lessons that they learn. When you’re driving at 200mph you need to focus on the road in front of you. If you look at the wall, then you’ll end up hitting it.
The same could be said for your life, your work, and dealing with critics.
Criticism and negativity from other people is like a wall. And if you focus on it, then you’ll run right into it. You’ll get blocked by negative emotions, anger, and self-doubt. Your mind will go where your attention is focused. Criticism and negativity don’t prevent you from reaching the finish line, but they can certainly distract you from it.
However, if you focus on the road in front of you and on moving forward, then you can safely speed past the walls and barriers that are nearby.

"Don't look at the wall. Your car goes where your eyes go." Exactly. If negativity does anything, it takes our focus off what we're doing, where we want to go, and how we plan to get there. That's precisely what negative people want you to do. When people criticize you, dump a bunch of negative, name-calling, and character assassination on you, they're really trying to get you to stop whatever it is you're doing.

Perhaps there are times when all of us need a good critic to force us to rethink things. We don't always get everything right the first time. But so much of the negative bashing isn't "constructive" at all. I've learned to always beware of the person who says, "I'd like to give you a little constructive criticism." It's seldom constructive.

Sadly, some of the most negative, fault-finding, critical, and generally unloving people I've ever known are Christians. I'm sad to say this, but it's true. And it seems that the general public has picked up on this. Researchers are telling us that some of the biggest reasons people are turned off to Christianity and the church, in general, is that God's people thought to be harsh, judgmental, and far too critical of others.

The apostle Paul had it right when he wrote to the churches of Galatia. Bite and devour one another and you'll destroy one another. The answer, of course, is no secret. Paul would urge us to practice the fruit of the Spirit, among such are things like love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. That's not the entire list, you see. There are other things "like" these that would be very helpful in defeating the destroying elements.

But we don't seem to be making much progress. Many years ago a man told me something I'll never forget. He said, "If I don't leave church feeling like I've been scalded, I don't feel like I've been to church." I thought then, and I still think today, some preacher convinced him that was the way church ought to make him feel. To me, that is one of the saddest views of church I've ever heard.

Recently I read someone (I forgot who!) suggest that we try going 24 hours without saying a single negative word to anybody, about anybody or anything. That might be a good exercise. You willing to try it? What makes this whole subject so important is that a little negativity goes a long way. You could have dozens of people brag on you, but one critic will occupy your mind for days. The vast majority can be very pleased with your work, or you as a person, but let one knucklehead judge you as worthless and it will stay with you for days.

I wish it were not so, but it is. Cruel, hurtful, demeaning, crushing words are powerful. Christians should not perpetuate this problem. We ought to be the ones whose words and actions are just the opposite. If you're one of the people always finding something wrong with everything, you need to repent. If you're the target of this sinful behavior, all I can say is, "Don't look at the wall." That's easier said than done, but I firmly believe it's time we do not allow the critics to rule the world.

I've Got A Question

46 Then, after three days they found Him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the teachers, both listening to them and asking them questions. – Luke 2:46 (NASB95)

"Were we to extract from any man a complete answer to the question, 'What comes into your mind when you think about God?' we might predict with certainty the spiritual future of that man." – A.W. Tozer

Questions are important. Asking appropriate questions, even more. Asking the right question at the right time. Wow. Light bulb time.

Jesus was a master question asker. At the age of 12, he was found in the temple, “both listening to them (the teachers) and asking them questions. He started early, like most young people. Adults often tire of questions, but it’s questions that reveal the inquisitive mind, one open and ready to learn. It’s also the tool of the master teacher to pry open closed or unthinking minds.

Todd Catteau wrote that most of Jesus’ questions could be organized into one of three categories (“The Questions of Jesus”, Discipleship Journal, Issue 100 (July/August 1997):

● Questions that validated his teaching
● Questions that challenged false ideas
● Questions that deepened faith

Frequently, Jesus made statements of truth, followed by questions designed to cause people to think about how sensible the statements were. Or he would question the standard beliefs people held by getting to think about alternate possibilities. Occasionally, questions dug at what people believed, or challenged their faith in a way designed to deepen it.

We should learn to love questions. Instead, we avoid them. They irritate us. They confuse us. We just don’t want to bother with them. Sometimes, we act as if people shouldn’t ask questions at all. Questions aren’t always easy or comfortable. They do throw us off balance. They betray the reality that we might not know all that we think we know. We don’t like being shown up by a good question.

Still, it’s getting answers to questions that causes us to grow. Jesus didn’t want to merely irritate people. He didn’t want to confuse them. He wanted them to think, to learn, to grow. All of us should want that.

Do you really believe that Jesus is unnerved at our questions? I don’t think so. But I do think he will unnerve us with his questions. We need to learn to love questions. We need to ask them, and we need to consider the ones found in scripture. A good question opens up a world of information.

A Complaining People

There's an interesting passage back in the Old Testament book of Numbers. What is sometimes missed is that it works as a commentary on human beings. It describes well the propensity we have for quick dissatisfaction and complaint. It seems that many (most?) of us just can't be happy for very long. Here's the passage:

33 Thus they set out from the mount of the Lord three days’ journey, with the ark of the covenant of the Lord journeying in front of them for the three days, to seek out a resting place for them.34 The cloud of the Lord was over them by day when they set out from the camp.35 Then it came about when the ark set out that Moses said, “Rise up, O Lord! And let Your enemies be scattered, And let those who hate You flee before You.”36 When it came to rest, he said, “Return, O Lord, To the myriad thousands of Israel.”1 Now the people became like those who complain of adversity in the hearing of the Lord; and when the Lord heard it, His anger was kindled, and the fire of the Lord burned among them and consumed some of the outskirts of the camp.2 The people therefore cried out to Moses, and Moses prayed to the Lord and the fire died out.3 So the name of that place was called Taberah, because the fire of the Lord burned among them.4 The rabble who were among them had greedy desires; and also the sons of Israel wept again and said, “Who will give us meat to eat?5 “We remember the fish which we used to eat free in Egypt, the cucumbers and the melons and the leeks and the onions and the garlic,6 but now our appetite is gone. There is nothing at all to look at except this manna.”Numbers 10:33–11:6 (NASB95)

Those people were three days into their journey. Three days. They complained. They were greedy. They got all caught up in "how things used to be." Now let's be fair. Was everything great? No. But they refused, or were unable to see the greater picture. God was leading them to the promised land. He was on their side, leading them, providing for them. He was their God and they were his people. But mundane things of life overwhelmed them, and their own little petty desires clouded their ability to see. Memories of the past morphed from hardship of slavery to a feast-table of fine foods.

A great many Christians are just like this. Christians, including leaders like preachers, elders, and educators, seem trapped into a viscious cycle of dissatisfaction with just about everything. The generations are at each other's throats with accusations that whatever generations one is not part of is to blame for all the failings and bad things happening to the church. Preachers lambast church members because they aren't living like they're supposed to live, doing what they're supposed to be doing, giving like they're supposed to be giving, but instead of acting like a shepherd-leader, gently instructing and guiding, they get fed up and quit. Or move. Church members throw tantrums because those in charge don't cater to their every whim (or whimper!). Leaders are accused of being stuck in the past, not caring for the flock, or just being irrelevant.

It is surely true that some of those complaints exactly right. But it  equally true that many of them are just people acting out the very human trait of dissatisfaction and grumpiness. I've known lots of Christian leaders. Not one of them was perfect, or knew how to sasisfy every complaining member. I've known lots of church members. Few of them were progressing in their spiritual growth that was exceptional. Most everyone drags their spiritual feet.

But we've entered a time when the game is played for high stakes. We're told by every expert around that the church is failing, it must change, it must do things this way or that way, it must change it's doctrinal stance on this issue or that, else nobody will ever pay attention again.  I have no doubt but that it wouldn't hurt us a bit to do some new thinking on lots of things. But I doubt that will be the answer to our problems. For just about the time we satisfy one bunch, another will rise up with new complaints. And nobody seems bold enough to ask, "Might the problem be with the complainers?" No, you do that and you get a fresh load of criticism and blame tossed your way.

If you've bothered to read this far, you're probably expecting me to offer an answer to the problem. Sorry. I have no answer, except to point us back to things that God has always taught us when things go wrong. I will leave it to the reader to discover where I found these things, but I promise every one of them is in your Bible. Here's how to make progress when things aren't great:

• Stop complaining. You read that right. Just stop.
• Quit thinking so highly of yourself. It's the first step toward trouble.
• Love others. That means you do the loving of the others.
• Learn tolerance. I don't mean the socio-political meaningless word popular today.
• Be patient. Things seldom happen in a hurry.
• Be more concerned about the health of your own faith than about that of others.
• Encourage and build up people, and never shoot the wounded.
• Live and practice what you expect of everyone else.
• Treat others like you want them to treat you.
• Don't try to outpuke buzzards (this one might be hard to find).
• Make more peace than ruckus.
• Never yell about what somebody else is or is not doing; you do it (or not) first.
• If you can't see God's big picture, keep quite until you do.
• Never confuse popular ideas or opinions with the Bible.
• When things don't turn out like you think they should, return to the top of this list.

I believe two things about complainers. First, some people have legitimate things to complain about. If you don't believe this one, go read the Psalms. You'll find lots of complaints there. When finished, read Job. If that's not enough, write me, I'll suggest more.  Second, most complainers get on God's nerves. Everybody should think about that one before they start.

Put Your Thinking Cap On

14 But a natural man does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually appraised. 15 But he who is spiritual appraises all things, yet he himself is appraised by no one. – 1 Corinthians 2:14–15 (NASB95)

Daniel Kahneman, in a Time magazine interview about the quality of our rational thinking: We are normally blind about our own blindness. We're generally overconfident in our opinions and our impressions and judgments. We exaggerate how knowable the world is ….What psychology and behavioral economics have shown is that people don't think very carefully. They're influenced by all sorts of superficial things in their decision-making, and they procrastinate and don't read the small print.  – Belinda Luscombe, "10 Questions," Time (11-28-11), p. 104

Thinking as fallen on hard times. Well, maybe not thinking, but good, solid, reasonable, productive thinking is certainly hard to come by. Even among those with a good education, thinking often falls far short of what it should be.

It’s easy to get caught up in minutia. That happens when people read or study the Bible. Instead of thinking about what they read so as to understand what the writer is saying, they get caught up in rabbit trails, chasing bits and pieces of this or that, but never actually getting the point.

I’m convinced that a lot of the “talking head” experts you see on television use that to throw people off track. Instead of reasonable thinking about problems, issues, and events, they throw a lot of quips, jargon, and fluff our way. It’s like the chaff an airplane pilot might eject to fool a missile about to shoot him down. We get off track because we don’t know how to think our way through.

If you want to be a good Bible student, you have to learn how to think. Good reading skills helps, as does talking with others who have already developed those skills. Read good books on communication. With some effort just about anyone can up their thinking game considerably. Put your thinking cap on. There will be a test.