A Little Negativity Goes A Long Way

13 For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.14 For the whole Law is fulfilled in one word, in the statement, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”15 But if you bite and devour one another, take care that you are not consumed by one another. -- Galatians 5:13–15 (NASB95)

Shortly before Dallas Willard died from cancer in 2013, Pastor John Ortberg asked him, "Do you regret anything?" Willard answered, "I regret the time I have wasted." -- Adapted from John Ortberg, Soul Keeping (Zondervan, 2014), pp. 186-817

There's a fascinating article written by James Clear titled, "Haters and Critics: How to Deal with People Judging You and Your Work" (you can read it by clicking HERE).  I say it's fascinating because the writer has managed to find a way to look at criticism positively. I don't mean he likes it, but he's managed to turn it into something other than a life-crusher. Read his article. It's very good.

I think it's fascinating also because it addresses something all too common in today's communication between people. There is a harshness alive today that wasn't always present. Well, maybe it was present, but it didn't seem to be quite as bad as it has become.

It's behind the bullying you've heard about rampant among school-age children. It abounds in Internet communications of all kinds. If you're a blog reader have you read the comments that follow many articles? There will be, perhaps, a good number of positive comments reflecting agreement or something a reader has appreciated or found helpful. Then there are the bashers! It will range from disagreement to character assassination, and it's done in increasingly harsh tones. A lot of bloggers are now turning off the comments section because it's not worth the hassle.

But this is nothing new. Hate, spite, bitterness, slander, even outright lying about people has been around just about as long as people have existed. A theologian might say that it's part of our fallen nature. I'm sure! There is a negative, hurtful, destructive bug in us somewhere, and none of us are completely innocent. Give me the right situation and I can rant with the best.

One of my favorite sections of James Clear's article uses a quote from Mario Andretti, famous race car driver. Here's what he wrote:

Many racing experts consider Mario Andretti to be the most successful and versatile racing driver of all-time. During his career, Andretti won the Indianapolis 500, Daytona 500, Formula One World Championship and the Pike’s Peak International Hill Climb. He is one of only two drivers in history to win races in Formula One, IndyCar, World Sportscar Championship, and NASCAR.
During an interview with SUCCESS magazine, Andretti was asked for his number one tip for success in race car driving. He said, “Don’t look at the wall. Your car goes where your eyes go.”
When young drivers are starting to race, this is one of the most critical lessons that they learn. When you’re driving at 200mph you need to focus on the road in front of you. If you look at the wall, then you’ll end up hitting it.
The same could be said for your life, your work, and dealing with critics.
Criticism and negativity from other people is like a wall. And if you focus on it, then you’ll run right into it. You’ll get blocked by negative emotions, anger, and self-doubt. Your mind will go where your attention is focused. Criticism and negativity don’t prevent you from reaching the finish line, but they can certainly distract you from it.
However, if you focus on the road in front of you and on moving forward, then you can safely speed past the walls and barriers that are nearby.

"Don't look at the wall. Your car goes where your eyes go." Exactly. If negativity does anything, it takes our focus off what we're doing, where we want to go, and how we plan to get there. That's precisely what negative people want you to do. When people criticize you, dump a bunch of negative, name-calling, and character assassination on you, they're really trying to get you to stop whatever it is you're doing.

Perhaps there are times when all of us need a good critic to force us to rethink things. We don't always get everything right the first time. But so much of the negative bashing isn't "constructive" at all. I've learned to always beware of the person who says, "I'd like to give you a little constructive criticism." It's seldom constructive.

Sadly, some of the most negative, fault-finding, critical, and generally unloving people I've ever known are Christians. I'm sad to say this, but it's true. And it seems that the general public has picked up on this. Researchers are telling us that some of the biggest reasons people are turned off to Christianity and the church, in general, is that God's people thought to be harsh, judgmental, and far too critical of others.

The apostle Paul had it right when he wrote to the churches of Galatia. Bite and devour one another and you'll destroy one another. The answer, of course, is no secret. Paul would urge us to practice the fruit of the Spirit, among such are things like love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. That's not the entire list, you see. There are other things "like" these that would be very helpful in defeating the destroying elements.

But we don't seem to be making much progress. Many years ago a man told me something I'll never forget. He said, "If I don't leave church feeling like I've been scalded, I don't feel like I've been to church." I thought then, and I still think today, some preacher convinced him that was the way church ought to make him feel. To me, that is one of the saddest views of church I've ever heard.

Recently I read someone (I forgot who!) suggest that we try going 24 hours without saying a single negative word to anybody, about anybody or anything. That might be a good exercise. You willing to try it? What makes this whole subject so important is that a little negativity goes a long way. You could have dozens of people brag on you, but one critic will occupy your mind for days. The vast majority can be very pleased with your work, or you as a person, but let one knucklehead judge you as worthless and it will stay with you for days.

I wish it were not so, but it is. Cruel, hurtful, demeaning, crushing words are powerful. Christians should not perpetuate this problem. We ought to be the ones whose words and actions are just the opposite. If you're one of the people always finding something wrong with everything, you need to repent. If you're the target of this sinful behavior, all I can say is, "Don't look at the wall." That's easier said than done, but I firmly believe it's time we do not allow the critics to rule the world.

Let's Ban All Religions

According to the singer-songwriter [Elton John], 59, his solution would be to "ban religion completely, even though there are some wonderful things about it". 

He added: "I love the idea of the teachings of Jesus Christ and the beautiful stories about it, which I loved in Sunday school and I collected all the little stickers and put them in my book. 

"But the reality is that organised religion doesn't seem to work. It turns people into hateful lemmings and it's not really compassionate." -- Sir Elton: Ban organised religion, http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/6140710.stm

My first reaction when reading comments like these is to argue. "You're wrong! You don't understand! You're not being fair!" And I might be right. But who cares? One must still deal with the point being made, and that is religion "turns people into hateful lemmings and it's not really compassionate." Ouch!

Christians haven't always been good at taking criticism. We get all huffy about it, and often resort to proving how we're right and everybody else is wrong. Of course, from the other guy's point of view that just proves the point! Hateful lemmings that we are, void of any compassion for others, we feel justified in spouting condemnation and consigning all the critics to hell.

I wonder if it might benefit us to dare to listen for a moment. Is it possible that people like Elton John are offering a legitimate criticism? After all, it's well-known that religions love to war against one another. Even within a religion (let's use Christianity for example), we love to divide up, choose sides, and take pot-shots at one another. Not friendly pot-shots either. We shoot to kill - if not physically then spiritually (and we've been known to literally kill a few folks). If we were honest, we might willingly admit that the criticism, though distasteful, undesirable, aggravating, and sad, is true.

Of course we have disagreements. We see things differently from one another. What's important to one person isn't so significant to another. We have differing values. Our politics are different. Our social customs and traditions vary. We've got different, and sometimes conflicting histories. We're white, no we're black, no we're brown, no we're red! You know it makes a difference which you are! Even if we're Christians, all these other things matter because they still divide us. Our religion, instead of helping us minimize these differences, overcome our problems, and love our neighbors who are different from ourselves, ends up giving us new ammunition. We now have theological ammo with which to shoot our own, alongn with those who are not our own.

I wonder if we know what we look like and sound like to those who are not us. The Bible tells us that Jesus was a compassionate man. We're supposed to be his followers, and as followers we're supposed to be like him. Yet Elton John specifically observes that we (along with people of other religions) are not compassionate. Sure, he has his own social, philosophical, even religious point to make, but he's saying something about us that we need to hear. We're not compassionate. Nope. No sir! We've no heart in our chests. We're just cold, ruthless, hateful lemmings.

Is it possible that such observations are right? "Possible," I'm asking. If they are, then we should do something about them. Surely we don't want to be so unlike the Jesus we claim to follow. Every day, in countless situations, we demonstrate whether we're compassionate people or just hateful lemmings. Whether that criticism hurts or not isn't the point. What counts is whether it's true or not. All our claims to be "Christians" won't change the truth about us.

Recently, due to a major event that has gripped our nation, and has resulted in very strong opinions, many expressed in vile, angry, and contentious language, I asked a question. "I'm wondering if anybody thinks they've been more or less like Jesus the last few days?" If you can only see Jesus on your "side" of things, then I suspect you're less like him than you think. If your words burn and tear their way through others, even the ones you think are wrong, you should be very careful. If your words sound angry, hostile, and hurtful then you are probably giving folks like Elton John all the proof they need to just ban all religions, including yours. We Christians are going to have to sound and look different than we do.

You can justify all this "hateful lemmings" stuff if you want. Many will. I'd just say that one of the most difficult teachings of Jesus (if not THE MOST difficult) is that we should love one another as he has loved us. You want to convince Elton John that you're a follower of Jesus and that the Christian faith should never be banned? Love people. Jesus said that the world (folks like Elton John) would know we're his disciples if we have love for one another. People who really love one another don't get accused of being "hateful lemmings" void of "compassion."